By Dr. Jean M. Kerry, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist • Collaborative Divorce Professional
Divorce is often described as the end of a marriage. I see it differently. It is the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. Between those chapters lies grief—a deeply human experience that deserves attention rather than avoidance.
Many people believe they must “move on” quickly. They throw themselves into work, focus only on legal documents, or avoid talking about the emotional pain altogether. Yet grief doesn’t disappear because we ignore it. It simply waits for us.
The healthiest divorce is not one without sadness. It is one in which sadness is acknowledged while hope is carefully rebuilt.
Grieving What Was
When a marriage ends, we grieve much more than a relationship. We may grieve:
The dreams we shared.
The future we imagined.
Family traditions.
Financial security.
Friendships that may change.
The identity of being a husband or wife.
Daily routines that once felt familiar.
These losses are real. They deserve compassion—not judgment.
Looking Forward Without Forgetting
Healing does not require erasing the past. It requires making peace with it.
As a collaborative psychologist, I encourage clients to ask different questions. Instead of asking:
“Why did this happen to me?”
Try asking:
“What kind of life do I want to create from here?”
That subtle shift moves us from surviving to growing.
Planning the Future Together
Collaborative divorce recognizes that even as a marriage ends, important relationships often continue—especially when children, grandchildren, businesses, or shared communities are involved.
Planning the future means considering:
What do we want our children to remember about how we handled this difficult season?
How can we communicate with honesty and respect?
Which decisions will matter most five years from now?
How can we preserve dignity for everyone involved?
These conversations are rarely easy, but they can be deeply meaningful.
Giving Yourself Permission to Heal
Grief is not weakness. It is evidence that something meaningful mattered.
Give yourself permission to:
Feel sadness without shame.
Celebrate small steps forward.
Accept support from trusted professionals, family, and friends.
Recognize that healing is not a straight line.
Believe that joy can return.
One day, your story may become less about how your marriage ended and more about how you chose to rebuild your life with courage, wisdom, and grace.
A Hopeful Path Forward
A respectful divorce does not erase pain, but it can reduce unnecessary conflict. Collaborative divorce offers couples an opportunity to make thoughtful decisions while protecting what matters most: their children, their financial future, and their emotional well-being.
The end of a marriage does not have to define the rest of your life.
Sometimes, the most courageous step is not holding on—it is letting go with dignity and choosing a future built on respect, healing, and hope.
Dr. Jean M. Kerry, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist | Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Collaborative Divorce Professional
“Helping individuals and families navigate life’s transitions with compassion, clarity, and respect.”